Staring at the mirror longer than I should

Why I keep looking at the side of my cheek

I noticed these spots on my face about two years ago, right after a particularly long summer trip. At first, I thought they were just freckles that would fade once the weather cooled down, but they didn’t. They stayed there, settled in like unwanted houseguests. I started looking into various creams and serums, mostly things I saw on SNS or heard friends mention. I even bought a bottle of ‘Vitamin C 30% Brightening Skin Capsule’ from a brand called Cleady, thinking that a high concentration would be the shortcut. It was around 45,000 won, which felt like a reasonable gamble for a bit of brightness. But honestly, applying it felt like a chore. The texture was slightly sticky, and every time I put it on, I wondered if I was actually doing anything or just wasting product. Plus, it always felt like it might oxidize if I left the cap off for even a second too long.

The cycle of temporary fixes

Then there was the phase where I became convinced that external care wasn’t enough. I started reading about melanin supplements and how internal regulation is key. I spent a good three months taking these pills that claimed to even out skin tone. Did it work? Maybe? It’s hard to tell when you look at yourself in the mirror every single day. The changes are so incremental that you lose track of where you started. My younger brother, who has the same skin type as me, also started dealing with similar spots. We tried a couple of generic whitening creams, but they were so oily that they just made our skin feel heavy and irritated. It didn’t feel like healing; it felt like smothering the skin.

Looking for something more permanent

I eventually made my way to a clinic in Sinchon to see what was actually going on. I had heard about things like the Laviean laser system and how they use specific energy to target pigment, but the doctor kept talking about ‘depth’ and ‘distribution.’ It wasn’t as simple as just zapping the spots away. He mentioned that even if I did the laser treatment—which would cost me probably around 200,000 to 300,000 won per session depending on the intensity—there was no guarantee they wouldn’t come back if I didn’t stay out of the sun or keep up with maintenance. It felt a bit daunting, honestly. You spend the money, you deal with the redness for a few days, and then you’re still told that it might just return.

Does the cost justify the uncertainty

I haven’t gone through with the full laser course yet. I keep telling myself I’ll do it before the next season starts, but I always find an excuse. Is it the downtime? Maybe. Or perhaps I’m just tired of chasing a version of my skin that existed before I started paying so much attention to it. I look at my hands now and see these faint marks that look like age spots, or maybe they’re just sun damage from not wearing enough sunscreen in my twenties. I wonder if I should just stop being so obsessed with ‘brightening’ and accept that this is just what my skin looks like now. It’s not a disaster, just a lingering annoyance that sits right under my eye. Sometimes I think about just booking the session and getting it over with, just to see if it makes me feel any differently about looking in the mirror. But then I think about the follow-up, the constant protection, and the high likelihood that I’ll just find something else to fret over. It’s a strange loop to be stuck in.