I finally looked at the spots on my hands

Noticing the small maps on my skin

I was sitting on the subway the other day, just staring at my own hands. I don’t usually look at them that closely, but the fluorescent light was hitting them at a really unflattering angle. I noticed these brownish spots, some of them faint and others a bit darker, scattered across the back of my hands. They looked like old, worn-out maps. It made me realize that I’ve spent way too many years just grabbing the steering wheel or walking around without bothering with sunscreen. It’s funny because I always worry about my face, but I seem to have completely ignored my hands. It just hit me that they are aging faster than the rest of me.

The endless search for a miracle cream

Before I even considered going to a clinic, I spent way too much money on those whitening creams you see online. I bought this one jar that promised to fade everything in a month; I think it cost me about 50,000 won. I used it religiously every night for six weeks. I kept waiting to wake up and see my skin clear, but honestly? Nothing changed. It felt like I was just rubbing expensive lotion on skin that had already decided its own path years ago. The persistent spots stayed right where they were. I eventually just stopped using it because I got tired of the sticky feeling before bed and the lack of any real result.

Walking into the clinic felt like a big step

Last Tuesday, I finally decided to just walk into a local dermatologist near my office. The waiting room was filled with people waiting for various procedures—some were there for those trendy cosmetic lifts that make your face look smaller, and others were there for simple things like mole or wart removal. I was nervous because I really had no idea what the cost would be. When I finally sat in the chair, the doctor looked at my hands for about five seconds and mentioned something about CO2 lasers or maybe an Erbium-YAG laser. They told me that because the spots were deep, it might take a couple of sessions to really see a difference. I didn’t end up doing it that day because I wasn’t prepared for the downtime or the potential scabbing, but just getting the information made me feel a bit strange.

The reality of UV damage over time

I read somewhere that the side of your face that’s usually near the driver’s window ends up with more wrinkles and sun damage than the other side after years of commuting. It’s such a depressing fact to learn when you’re already in your mid-thirties. I think about my mother, who worked at a factory for decades, and how her skin just naturally thinned and lost its glow over time. We try to fight it with these expensive procedures, but deep down, I wonder if the damage from years ago is already set in stone. I saw a celebrity on TV recently who was obsessed with slathering on sunscreen before exercising, and everyone made fun of him for being excessive. Now, I kind of get why he did it.

Living with the uncertainty of results

I’m still debating if I should go back to that clinic and book the laser session. It’s not cheap—they quoted me roughly 10,000 to 30,000 won per spot depending on the size and depth. If I do both hands, it’s going to add up to a decent amount, and there’s no guarantee they won’t just come back if I’m not careful. It’s weird how something as small as a patch of pigment can become such a nagging thought in the back of my head. I’ve started carrying a small tube of sunscreen in my bag, even on cloudy days, but I still forget to put it on half the time. It’s an annoying cycle, and I’m not even sure if it’s really going to stop the spots from growing or if I’m just performing a ritual for my own peace of mind.